Some years ago, during the second Dare 2 Share LIVE event, a kid from my youth group decided to follow Jesus. Soon after, we started a more intentional discipleship process, and he started growing in his faith. He was reading the Bible and texting me with questions, and we would pray for each other regularly. He was even having conversations about Jesus with his friends and family.
It was what a youth leader lives for; it was amazing. But looking back, I made a big mistake that cost me that relationship: I didn’t talk to his parents.
You see, that student used to come to our church with his grandmother. His parents were divorced, and both were unbelievers. Even though they both knew me and we chatted from time to time, it was way too casual and purposeless. The student was trying to reach his parents himself, and I thought that I just needed to encourage and coach him through it.
One summer, the student left to spend some time with his mother’s side of the family and was exposed to some more “turn or burn” approaches to evangelism. He returned with a greater burden for his parents than he could manage and started coming across to them as judgmental and angry—or at least that was how his father described it to me later.
During that summer we’d had very little communication. I was busy with the usual summer programs, and he was just having fun with his family. But he didn’t come back to youth group in the fall and wouldn’t respond to my calls or texts. That’s when I called the father to make sure he was OK, and the father told me that he was not being permitted to go back to church because his kid was “losing his mind” and “getting brainwashed.”
My heart was broken! Such a promising disciple was out of my influence. I prayed, and I still do, knowing that the truth of Philippians 1:6 applies to him: “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
What did I learn from that painful experience? Many things, but the main one is that I needed to talk to those unbelieving parents about the faith of their child. Here are three steps I wish I had taken that I recommend to every youth leader:
1. Meet with the parents.
I should have made an appointment to talk to them or invited them to coffee to show them that I cared for them, not only for their child.
2. Ask questions.
What are your thoughts about our program? Do you have any questions about what we do? What are your spiritual beliefs? Have you noticed any differences in your child lately? I should have asked many questions, and I should have listened and respected what they had to say.
3. Explain the Gospel.
I knew this kid had a powerful encounter with the Lord and a radical transformation, and I should have given credit to whom credit is due: the Lord Jesus Christ! It could have been the perfect opportunity to talk to the parents about the Gospel, the only message that could transform their child—even if my student was already trying to explain the Gospel to them.
Don’t let my “should haves” and “could haves” be yours. Instead, let them become “how-tos”—for the sake of disciple-making relationships and the salvation of families.
