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My Difficult Friend

Who are they?

Difficult people are people who stand against the basic truths of Christianity. The issues can vary from the reliability of the Bible, to the identity of Jesus Christ, to the way of salvation, etc.

  • Witness with love!
  • Intentionally ask 4 key questions!
  • Take the common ground!
  • Negotiate the terms of your talk!
  • Explain you story!
  • Stick with the issues!
  • Stay dependant on the Spirit!

What do they believe?

Anything and/or everything that stands contrary to the Bible.

How to witness to them:

  • Witness with love! (2 Timothy 2:23-26)
  • Remember that they are victims of Satan! Apart from God's grace, you, too, would be an unbeliever.
  • LOVE THEM! Let the last thing they remember about you be your Christ-like attitude of compassion.
  • Intentionally ask 4 key questions! (Matthew 21:23-27)

There are 4 basic questions you can ask:*

  1. "What do you mean by that?" (This makes them define the terms in their argument.)
  2. "How do you know that to be true?" (This makes them explain the logic of their argument.)
  3. "What difference does it make?" (This makes them defend the value for their argument.)
  4. "What if you're wrong?" (This makes them think the unthinkable about their argument.)

*Used by permission from Bill Jack & Andrew Heister

How to use these questions:

For instance, if they say, "I am an atheist," you can ask these questions:

"What do you mean by 'atheist'?"
"Do you mean there is absolutely no God?"
"Do you mean that you don't know personally if there is a God?"
"How do you know that there is no God?"
"Have you been everywhere in the universe?"
"What solid evidence can you produce to prove your position?"
"What difference has atheism made in your life?"
"Has it given you a purpose to live for?"
"What fulfillment has it brought you?"
"What if you're wrong and the God of the Bible is real?"
"If you're right, I have nothing to worry about, do I?"
"But if you're wrong, what are the consequences?"

These questions can lead someone to the logical "end" of his/her system of thinking.

If a person doesn't believe in the truth of the Bible, then push him/her to be consistent with his/her own belief system. For instance:

If they say: "I don't believe in God."
You may say: "Then why do you believe murder is wrong?"

If they say: "I don't believe in absolutes."
You may say: "Do you believe that absolutely?"

If they say: "I don't believe in a God I've never seen."
You may say: "Have you ever seen your brains?"

Take the common ground! (Acts 17:22,23,27,28)

In this passage, Paul uses a religious shrine as a conversation starter and quotes a secular poet to gain common ground with his audience. If the person believes in the truth of the Bible, take the common ground by showing him/her passages that differ with his/her beliefs. If the person doesn't believe in the Bible, try to use things that they believe in to support your position.

Negotiate the terms of your talk! (James 1:19)

"You talk for a few minutes and I'll listen without interrupting. Then I'll do the same. OK?"

Let them start. (Remember to keep the terms of the talk yourself and make sure they do, too!) Listen to their viewpoint. Don't just listen to argue. Listen to understand. Restate their viewpoint back to them with terms like, "so what you are saying is this...". Once you understand their viewpoint (and they feel you understand it), then you are ready to evaluate what they believe Biblically. James 1:19 reminds us to

"...be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to become angry."

Explain your story! (Acts 26:1-29)

Your salvation story (testimony) is personal and powerful!

There are 3 elements to a testimony:

  1. What you used to believe you had to do to get to heaven.
  2. What you found out you had to believe to get to heaven.
  3. What you believed and how your life has been since.

Stick with the GOSPEL!

  • God created us to be with him.
  • Our sins separate us from God.
  • Sins cannot be erased by good deeds.
  • Paying the price for sin, Jesus died.
  • Everyone who trusts in Him has eternal life.
  • Life with Jesus starts now and lasts forever.

Note: Remember that your ultimate weapons are prayer and the gospel message! Don't get distracted from the gospel message! Your goal is not to win an argument, but to win a person! Pray for them as you share the gospel!

Stay dependant on the Spirit! (Ephesians 5:18)

As you witness, trust in the Spirit to give you wisdom! (Matthew 10:19,20) Remember that only as you yield fully to the Spirit of God can He truly take control of your mind and your mouth! Keep in mind that it is the Holy Spirit who convicts people of sin and converts people to Christ.

Recommended Reading:

  • Acts 17: 16-34
  • 2 Timothy 2:24-26
  • Evidence That Demands a Verdict , Josh McDowell. San Bernardino, CA: Here's Life Publishers, Inc., 1979.
  • More Evidence That Demands a Verdict , Josh McDowell. San Bernardino, CA: Here's Life Publishers, Inc., 1981.
  • The Lie , Ken Ham. El Cajon, CA: Creation-Life Publishers, 1984.
  • Darwin On Trial , Philipp E. Johnson. Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity Press, 1991.
  • A Ready Defense , Josh McDowell. San Bernardino, CA: Here's Life Publishers, Inc., 1990.
  • Don't Check Your Brains at the Door , Josh McDowell and Bob Hostettler. Dallas, TX: Word Publishing, 1992.
  • Fast Facts on False Teachings , Ron Carlson and Ed Decker. Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, 1994.